This Star Won't Go Out

by Jessica

 

If there was ever a book that made me bawl my eyes out like a small child, it was this one. I received this book for my birthday from one of my closest friends, and even though it is a huge hardback book with 431 pages, I read it like nobody’s business. But I had to keep taking breaks when I cried too much and just couldn’t read any more.

 

This Star Won’t Go Out: The Life and Words of Esther Grace Earl tells the story of an amazing sixteen-year-old girl who died of thyroid cancer. Her body may have physically died, but she never truly did. I’ve never before been so touched, so affected, by a book before, more so by this one because I know it is a true story. People, family, really had to lose this wonderful, artistic, clever girl from their lives. But they kept her alive through this book.

The journals, web blogs, online posts, photographs, and memoirs of Esther and those who were inspired by her and her story are of what this book is composed. A spunky little thing living in France in 2006 (for her parents’ work), Esther Grace Earl was diagnosed at the age of 12. She had been out of breath when they ran at school, and when her dad took her to the doctor, it turned out there was excess fluid in her lungs (tumors), and she and her family (her parents, two older sisters, and two younger brothers) would need to go back home to the United States, back to their previous home in Massachusetts, so she could receive better care.

 

I’m not even sure where to begin, what to tell about her, how it affected me. I suppose we can begin with what a light Esther was, and still is. Her name, Persian for “star,” is perfect for who she was in everyday life. She loved her cats, Blueberry and Pancake, and she loved writing. She wrote as often as she could in her journals, and she was often afraid and annoyed that she wasn’t as capable as she wished she were in making a difference in people’s lives. She said something about kids who have it worse than her out there who manage to do more than lollygag around in bed all day, but she had no idea what kind of an impact she was about to make in so many lives.

She formed this online community (with friends she met in chat rooms) called Catitude. It was here that Esther could, for a time, look past the fact that she was a kid with cancer and just act normally for once. Her friends didn’t find out for a while that she had cancer, but when she finally told them, they became closer than ever. Many of their stories of Esther and what a bright star she was in their lives are in this incredibly touching book.

Esther was very present online. She started her own YouTube channel in 2008 (cookie4monster4) after being inspired by other YouTubers, including the Vlogbrothers themselves, John and Hank Green. Esther even got the chance to meet John at LeakyCon (a convention dedicated to all things Harry Potter) in 2009, and his involvement with Esther still continues today. With Esther’s help, Nerdfighteria (John and Hank’s subscribers) won $250,000 for the Harry Potter Alliance, an organization dedicated to fighting for social justice. John came back for Esther’s Make-A-Wish occasion in July 2010, along with all of her Internet friends from Catitude, to truly give her the most amazing weekend and most wonderful last hurrah she could ever wish for (I won’t spoil for you what all Esther and her friends got to do; you’ll just have to read the book for yourself).

 

Esther sadly passed away in the Children’s Hospital in Boston on August 25, 2010, only 22 days after her 16th birthday. But Esther’s light will never go out. That’s why the Earl family created This Star Won’t Go Out, “a non-profit foundation serving families with children diagnosed with life-threatening cancer” (tswgo.org). Since its start in 2011, the foundation has presented more than 75 gifts to families, totaling more than $130,000.

John Green, incredibly impacted by Esther, created a day in her honor, called Esther Day. Before she died, he asked her what she wanted people to do on this day, August 3rd, her birthday, each year. She simply said she wanted to celebrate love. But not the kind of love that is already celebrated on Valentine’s Day - the kind of love we don’t always acknowledge, that between siblings, friends, family, anyone we hold dear to our hearts. She wanted people to tell others that they love them on that day. And that was all. A simple showing of our love can go a long way.

Esther’s story really impacted my life, in a way no book or story ever has before. Esther taught me that death is a natural part of our lives and to not be afraid of it. She wasn’t, so why should I be? Of course she was hesitant at times and scared to leave her family, but she had come to terms with the fact that she was probably going to die, and her faith in God and Heaven kept her from fearing what we do not, and cannot, know. Esther loved in a way most of us aren’t lucky enough to know how to or lucky enough to receive.

I genuinely hope you will pick up this book, today, tomorrow, in a year from now, because it will have such a positive impact on your life. If you’re anything like me, you will look at things and people differently, love more fully, and never let any opportunity go to waste. Our stars don’t have to go out either. Love is stronger than death.